My little girl turned one year old March 1st, so I thought I might share with you, my family, a little bit of my perspective on being a father.
When Amanda and I were married, we had agreed together that we did not want to have any children, and we were content. As we grew in our relationship and got older, our perspective started to change and questions started to arise like: Who would take care of us when we get old? How will we feel sitting in the pew as they recognize mothers and fathers on their respected days? Would we ever regret the decision? What is it like to experience the joy a child brings? We started to talk. I think Amanda was ready for children before I was, though. I guess the turning point came for me during our fifth anniversary trip to Savannah. I had come to this realization that to be a good father, I had to be a good son. In other words, to be a good father, and have the right relationship with my children that I wanted, would only be a reflection of the relationship that I have as a son with my Heavenly Father. That’s what was holding me back from having children: the lack of a good relationship with my Heavenly Father. So, I had some work to do. God really worked in my life and helped me turn my gaze on earthly things up to gaze on that which is eternal.
Then came Christmas 2003. I had made my decision and gave Amanda prenatal vitamins for Christmas. We cried. We were happy and scared. What would God do? In May, we conceived, and had a little girl in March 2005. I remember holding her for the first time, and the flood of emotions that washed over my soul. For the first time, I experienced the other side of the father/child relationship. Then, I knew how my Heavenly Father felt for me, though on a smaller scale. How He loves me unconditionally. How He wants the best for me. How He wants me to grow in a relationship with Him. How He wants to share all He knows with me. How He wants me to learn from Him. How He wants me to obey. How He misses me when I am gone from His presence. And, the joy He must experience when I come back.
I have so much more to learn about fatherhood, but oh how sweet it is.
Cary D.
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"C" Roth Blog is a revival of communication among the children of Clifton and Donna Roth. We are endeavoring to go against our selfish tendencies, which have allowed us to grow comfortable living miles away from one another and rarely interacting.
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- Dad and Mom's Church
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- Chuck and Cita's Church
- Cary and Amanda's Church
- Caleb and April's Church
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- Curtis and Lauren's Church
- Sally's Blog
- Corey and Kristy's Blog
- Sojourn Community Church Travelblog
- The Best Conference Ever
- Desiring God
- A Very Wise Man
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- Religious Affections Ministries
- Girl Talk??? Hmmm...
- FOR THOSE WHO DARE!
8 comments:
Before I go too far, let me say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to APRIL!!!!
Cary, great to hear your thoughts.
I could not help but notice one thing about what you said. This may have been intentional in you thoughts, but maybe just the way God works. You said you all started thinking and asking questions like these:
"Who would take care of us when we get old? How will we feel sitting in the pew as they recognize mothers and fathers on their respected days? Would we ever regret the decision? What is it like to experience the joy a child brings?"
I noticed that these questions primarily focused on the way that you and Amanda would benefit from having a child.
I understand how you were thinking, that is the way that we naturally think.
Then, I noticed what you said about the things that happened in your heart when Audrey came. You said:
"Then, I knew how my Heavenly Father felt for me, though on a smaller scale. How He loves me unconditionally. How He wants the best for me. How He wants me to grow in a relationship with Him. How He wants to share all He knows with me. How He wants me to learn from Him. How He wants me to obey. How He misses me when I am gone from His presence. And, the joy He must experience when I come back."
Wow...what a contrast. All of the things that you now understand about being a father are all focused on the child rather than on you as the parent. Does this make sense. In short, it is awesome to see how you went from "Who would take care of us when we get old?" to seeing how our FATHER relates to us and "wants the best for us in every situation." The focus changed.
What an awesome thing. God does stuff like this to me regularly. He takes my earthly conformed thoughts and transforms them to thoughts of the Kingdom. Good stuff man. Looking forward to more.
Cary, thank you so much for posting. Clif asked me to post, but my day got away from me. I will post on Monday. ANYWAY!
What an incredable blessing I just recieved when I read your words. Cary, I too remember those unforgetable moments when I held L+L. Wow! Everytime I stop to really think about how much I love my children I get so choked up (kinda like daddy).
I recall just a week after the birth of Lorena, I became very Ill and had to go back in the hospital. Some how I got some type of infection. I had to be seperated from her.At that time Mom was also very sick. So the one person that I knew could really help care for her (besides chuck ,who had to be at work during the work hours because he had already just taken a week off) Could not. (man Iam wordy) Any way marybeth B. took care of her. That had to right up there with one of the worst times in my life. The pain I felt was not at all related to my health, it was all about being seperate from my helpless little baby girl. I think I cried 80% of the time.
Well, all that to say...Like you said Cary, Imagine what our Heavenly father feels when we leave His side.
Cary I am so thrilled to see you and Amanda with a beautiful little girl. What an abundant amount of blessings you both have in store.
Love you. See you Sat.
Sally and I are at the church office this afternoon doing some work. Wish we could be at Audrey's Birthday party. Love you all. Still waiting on Mom and Dad.
Peace.
clif
Cary, I'm so thankful the Lord has blessed you and Amanda with sweet baby girl! Children truly are a blessing from the Lord. And I'm sure he will use Audrey in your life to teach you and sharpen you the rest of your days! Hope the party went well today! You'll have to give us a report.
Clair and Tina,
Havent' heard from you lately??? Looking forward to hearing more about what's going on with you guys.
Curtis, you to. How was your ski trip. . . and are you really driving huge semi trucks now??? Guess you got over you great big fear, huh?
Whelp, we love you all. Hope your Sunday is a wonderful time of fellowship with church family and to be changed by God's word.
Hey Caleb,
"Curtis, you to", too, two??? I'm leaning towards "too". Please help! :)
Hello, uncle Cary. I loved the pinata at Audrey's party.
what is the fascination of the word "to" and "too" my english teacher taught me well.
oh my ski trip was fine. it was really good to have that vacation. my "fear" is pretty much gone. i just dont feel comfortable with a 53 foot tale. i did however see two 48 foot trailers being pulled together done an interstate in pa. that is crazy
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